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  • Victorious De Costa

What, me AFRAID?

Updated: Feb 10, 2023

A few years ago, I fought and hustled to get the biggest opportunity of my (then new) career. I plotted for it. I planned for it. I ethically schemed for it played Chess , Checkers and meditated for it.

Guess what? I earned the shot.

Then I started to panic. Even though I knew I was smart enough to get in the door, and talented enough to pull it off- i still felt like I wasnt good enough. I started questioning everything from the integrity of the project to whether or not the client would accept my presentation. And if they did, whether or not I could even pull off the project.

And if I could, would the project even be good.

I started thinking about just throwing the towel in.

Or just fading away — hoping that they wouldn’t follow up, leaving me with the shame — but sparing me the embarrassment. In short - I was gonna fold.

Yea. Picture that. Fold. With a name like mine.

So, I stopped working on the presentation. I told myself that it wasn’t for me anyway- at least not yet. The next day, I came across a quote by president of Liberia, Ellen Johnson Sirleaf. It said “If your dreams don’t scare you , they are not big enough”. It rocked my head back.

I hadn’t noticed until then that I was just afraid.

I was scared and I was letting the fear stop me from the biggest opportunity of my life.

I then realized that the fear was so great because of how big the dream was and how big the pay off would be.

I thought about how I was opening a door to greatness. The door to greatness. I snapped out of it and the presentation I designed took a different life altogether. I was inspired by the need to shoot fear and let it die.

Sorry for the graphic nature, that just works for me.

In my religious days we would say “the devil is a liar”. Nowadays, I know that I was busy lying to my self. As a young Five Percenter, I learned the concept of one manifesting anything they choose if they have a determined idea. With a determined idea, we can write out our own history in advance. The difference between an idea and a determined idea, is the discipline and drive implied by the latter.

We must 'claim' what we want.

For many years, I had only heard of a “self fulfilling prophecy” in a bad way, but it could be a beautiful thing.

In the “Big City” some people who are able to run -

don’t run for the Bus or Train.

Not because they don’t think they can make it. Not because they are afraid of missing it. They don't run because they are afraid of being seen trying to make it and if they make it, how will they be judged as they hop in, sweating and panting? Well, this morning I ran for the train - full speed. I ran because I am still able to. I apologize to myself for thinking I had a choice.




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